its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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