I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
