What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God I need to hump something, right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
