Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
