The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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