Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
