i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
