theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Shame - the story of my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
