I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
