the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
