he puts the penis in happiness.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
