I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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