My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize