I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
