one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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