Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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