i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
