I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
