Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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