it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
