So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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