Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
