The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
