She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
