Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
