At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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