How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
