Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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