Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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