No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
