I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
