Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
