Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
