True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
