I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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