Swine flu. Run for my life!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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