the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
