One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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