sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
