You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
