i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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