I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
