two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
