I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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