if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
