The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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