It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize