Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
