they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
