I hate your face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
