and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
