Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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