I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
