He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
